She told me yesterday she is is no longer willing to go back to vanilla. I cant satisfy her anymore sexually, I will never be enough. That was hard to hear. You think you want to hear something like that if your a sissy submissive like myself but hearing it said in truth, in a non sexual moment is something else. I was upset all day. Not being able to go back means never being able to say "no i dont want you to see other men". She will never live with just me, just my tiny unsatisfying penis. I am still processing that. It is one thing to hear it in fantasy play. It is another to hear it on the couch holding a cup of coffee. I dont fault her at all. As she said you cant put the genie back in the bottle.
When we first met and married she was inexperienced. Through our early sex lives my tongue was enough to keep her happy. No one had given her an orgasm like that. Eventually as in all marriage the sex life became dull. We looked at porn and that worked. She couldn't believe the mens cocks but they were actors. When eventually we decided to check out swinging and joined a website it was a whole new realization. Real men had cocks like that and some of them lived in our town! Now she has had real cocks, real men and she isnt about to give it up. She says she cant feel me anymore. She looks at me when I do get to put my lil penis in her and smiles. Like a mom watching a little boy play with a toy. I cant make her feel like they do. We saw a show recently about micro penises. She said it was the aha moment. Mine is only slightly bigger than a micro penis and those poor sad men have no hope of pleasing a woman with theirs. She realized then that it wasnt just her. It was a real thing, bigger is better. Size does matter and mine is far too small.
So now what? Nothing has changed really right? What was a "game" a "role playing" thing we did is reality. I feel scared, submissive, small in many ways, humiliated and still of course turned on. She is working on accepting this herself. She didnt say it proudly or as something she wanted to make known more a talking through what was in her head, what she was dealing with. She seems to be accepting it in a very loving way. She doesnt blame me, i didnt choose this tiny penis. She doesnt want to lose me, she isnt going anywhere. But it cant ever be just me anymore, she cant be happy like that. Im scared but excited and relieved. And ever hopeful.