More changes...

So Last week I had 3 play times...all with men. I sucked the TC off on his back porch as well as in our basement, the last time resulting in him shooting all over my chest. I also played with my young man and had a very nice fuck from him, very sensual and enjoyable thanks to a little instruction to him from Goddess! It was also a trying week as the TC relationship with Goddess was apparently ratcheted up some. While were both excited by the TC willingness to accept service from me, he became more demanding as he thought he understood what Goddess wanted from him, or rather what she would allow him. I think he misunderstood her pillow talk. I saw the video of the night they shared, it was very erotic and She got him to take on the TC dominating role she wanted.  Unfortunately he took it too far and became demanding. I got jealous, as a sissy does from time to time. Unknown to me the BF also showed some possessiveness toward Goddess on their date.

So when I brought up the jealousy, the feeling of imbalance (she has not dommed me in some time) and the feeling of isolation I was beginning to have Goddess brought up the idea of taking a break, telling all the boys to back off and give us space until we say to start again. So we did. I think for Goddess Her men became too demanding of her time and possessive. Since She has taken over our business She has enough demands on Her time and stress without the men who were supposed to be a pleasant distraction becoming stressful and demanding in their own right. They say timing is everything, in this case it was as both of us felt that it wasn't working. In the past Goddess had said She would not consent to make me her sissy without some "real man" on the side. Which makes sense. I think the man part can be satisfied by 3somes with some well hung men from the website we like so much but she is less excited about 3somes and really loves alone play.

One thing we agree on is we love the "Goddess and sissy" roles. Now we have to figure out how to make it work for us, comfortably and happily with love. 

So now we regroup to make sense of it all, again. But through all this the love and understanding remain strong! I love her so much!!!

funny

funny how when you throw out wishes or desires into the air/universe you get a chance to try out that nwe  thing or attitude or whatever you desire to obtain.  shelly is right now, as i type, giving our tc a bj because i was too tired to do so myself.  our tc finally showed interest in shelly flying solo and i finally agreed to let shelly have some fun without me! making strides. i also gave shelly marching orders to pursue a female friendship of my choosingi. also, a huge step for the goddess.

I am trying very hard to uphold the name Goddess.  Sometimes I don't feel like one. The hardest thing for me ts to refrain from being so selfish.  Being so self-focused is par for the course but doesn't give me free reign to ignore giving my sissy what she desires.  Make no mistake, I absolutely give her what she needs by way of teasing by dancing for her and making her feel like man again but then teasing her little clitty reminding her she's not a real man.  I punish her in the way I see fit administering whips from the crop on her ass, thighs and ballsbut what she desires I don't gravitate towards.  I of course, gravitate towards my desires and/or giving her pleasure as I want to without her in mind.  This is what it is to be Goddess as well, right? However, since she is my cuchold sissy there are paraemeters or rules we keep that we call "the economy."  She will glady give me "bananas" as long as she gets her "coffee."  When the economy gets out of balance, that is when she becomes an unhappy sissy.  This doesn't happen very often because we "check-in" weekly to make sure we are both still in agreement with "the economy".

It's not hard, she just wants to be physically dominated and used by me.  Things I like to do but instead, I continually put my desires before hers.  They look like things that are easy and really fun! For ME.  Go out with my boyfriend, meet my TC over the lunch hour to be his whore and get pounded by him for an hour, seduce other men of interest as the seduction game is very fun for me as well is the mistress role.  None of these scenarios include my sissy.  Although I don't disclude her on purpose.  I am still trying to figure what would be fun to do together.  I know that challenging fun that breeds a little competition or jealousy is good for me, for us so we are discussing the next step to make an appropriate scenario happen.  My interest in a femmesub has waxed and wained so we are going to begin exploring the idea of a couple I can send her to serve.  We've approached and begun down this road before but I haulted it as I get too jealous.  However, I feel I am ready to try this again.  I know Shelly is!  Tonight we are going to put what we are looking for on our profile on a swingers site.  We will see how it goes.

begging for cock....

I saw a post on "a life of submission blog" that got my sissy juices flowing. I have never begged for cock but I really want to. I have fantasized about it numerous times and shared it with Goddess, She would like to see it as well. My young friend is coming over this week I think so maybe I will ask him to make me beg for it. I really want to beg for Goddess TC. Even though I have sucked it many times I am not sure he is ready to make me beg for it, maybe he is - I would love it, especially if I was wearing panties while I did it! Goddess shared a photo of her BF cock the other day and told me to edge looking at it. Of course I was begging for it in my mind in no time.

This weekend was spent with Goddess and kids. i really was greatful for Her time and attention. As the last post indicated i really needed it. She was very loving and giving all weekend and we had a lot of fun together. we had some nice sex, great conversations and lots of cuddling. Life is good! Goddess is wonderful!

connection....

It has been an interesting week. Very busy for both Goddess and i, Hers at work and mine a little of both work and home - admittedly she was busier than i. I saw my young friend again this week. I dressed in a white skirt and pink top for him, he liked it a lot. The make up was better but still needs work. I did much better deep throating him, and took a pounding from him. I realized part way through the evening that being with a man is a rush and fantasy fulfillment but it is just not the same as being with a woman in terms of overall experience. Or maybe it is just that way with him. i am not terribly attracted to him. He is cute with a nice young fit body and really nice cock but there is no attractive emotional connection. he is nice but still a kid in some ways and not very interesting to me outside of sex. Oh well, still fun! And i am learning from him as he has been with several cross dressers. He has some really good tips and ideas.

As a result of Goddess business busyness we didn't connect much this week, in fact i added to her stress at work - so I felt some distance. I don't blame her at all. But as she reached out to her BF (including a very fun date midweek) and the TC for comfort from the storm it did bring up some struggle with jealousy. We talked through all that and ended up having some really nice sex - i got to cum inside Her yesterday. And be in Her bottom this morning as she came - though i had to pull out and not cum. She has had a few nice orgasms as well. And we had a very nice date night last night. Today she is consumed with work - again I totally understand. She needs to be, She is building Her career right now and taking over a business so being consumed with work is normal, even for a Sunday. But as a result She will reach out to the "harem" again and since i am part of the business there will be distance. Since we had the nice weekend i will struggle less with jealousy regarding Her attention but i do get jealous of not having anyone i can reach out to when i feel a need for connection. We talked through that some as well this week as i struggled with it during the week. i am not sure an easy solution is available, i think in some ways Goddess would like me to have someone - it would relieve Her of the stress of me needing it from Her all the time. But who is the question. She will have to be the one to choose if an outlet for connection is to be chosen for me. i will wait for Her as i am a good sissy!

Overall it is two people who love each other very much adjusting to a new lifestyle - both personal and career. There are ups and downs. I think we both still remain excited about this new life but it is not always easy. But with love, communication, grace and understanding we will move forward and grow in this new life. I love her so much and I believe she loves me the same!