A new level of humiliation

The other night we were at a couples house, some friends of ours and another couple was there as well. We were playing a game, having drinks. During the game my wife drew a card that said "micro penis". The point of the game is to play the card during a time it describes and end to a proposition proposed by another card played - I honestly forget the name of the game. Anyway I read a proposition and cards were handed to me from each of the others around the table. I then had to read the cards. I forget the proposition but the humiliation of reading the card, given to me - I knew since I read it as she handed it to me - by my wife was humiliating. She could have used the card when someone else had to read it or never played it at all but she chose to make me read it aloud. And how the fuck does she happen to get that card?? Understand a man penis size is part of his identity, much as women worry about their looks men are trained from childhood that your cock is part of who you are - Alpha or beta. To add to my silent humiliation one of the other wives blurted out - "oh my God have you ever actually seen a micro penis?? If you have you never want to see it again" and laughed. My wife joined in the laughter. I froze, red faced. I hoped no one noticed and tried to move on as unawkwardly as I could. Now to be fair to my wife she will say on occasion when she is feeling kind and my humiliation isn't her aim - "you don't really have a micro penis". But as the post I did on micro penises showed, it is splitting hairs to say that I don't. We both know this, believe me.

I was in bed alone last night and this whole scene replayed itself in my head. Goddess is out of town this week. My pee pee (she likes me to call it that) tingled and I rubbed it as I ran it over in my mind again. Humiliation is a powerful aphrodisiac for me. Remembering the look on the pretty woman s face as she laughingly humiliated my tiny penis without knowing it made my pee pee tingle to the point of wanting to cum. But I obediently resisted and edged only. We talked later on the phone and she gave me permission to cum.

I laid in bed rubbing and it made me drift to the humiliations Goddess likes to torture me with. Her favorite and most often employed is making me wait to cum for a week then humiliating me as I finally cum. She only allows me to cum on Saturdays. She makes me wait all week for it. During the week she likes me to rub against her leg with my pee pee in my undies as we cuddle. She smiles at me amused as I enjoy the edging against her. it is humiliating but by mid week I am desperate for the touching. She will occasionally play with my pee pee in my panties, teasing it watching my face. This brings a shower of praise from me, worshiping her with my words telling her how amazing and beautiful she is. On Saturday morning she will kiss and play with me, sometimes having me rub or lick her off. by the time she is ready to let me cum I am on the edge of explosion. Occasionally she will just lay there and make me rub against her while she watches with amusement as I try desperately to cum rubbing against her leg. She smiles sweetly but says nothing, i am humiliated an anxious desperate little boy trying to pleasure himself. She loves this. When I finally cum it is usually in my panties, sometimes by her hand sometimes by her leg.

Occasionally she will allow me to attempt to enter her on these mornings. This can be the most deeply humiliating of all. By the time she allows me to try I have a weeks worth of cum built up and she has been playing with me for an hour. I am a hair trigger waiting to go off. Often I am only half hard at best, I try my best to push into her wet pussy but it is difficult and typically I cum trying to push in, my seed spent on the entrance to the most wonderful pussy in the world. It is hard to describe how deep the humiliation is. Even though I have done this countless times i still apologize. She responds with "its ok we both know your just a sissy and that's what sissy's do". The times I am hard she often will make a comment about it not being worth it and make me cum by her hand. Or she will get in a position that makes it very hard for me to enter her - like on her side with me behind her. Due to my small short pee pee I struggle to push it in. The humiliation and the friction of the struggle again often lead me to cum at the entrance of her amazing pussy.

These humiliations lead me to a deep need for her, for her nurture and her love. I am like a little boy, humiliated, bruised and I need my mommy to nurture me - to make me OK. She loves this, its a big part of why she humiliates me. She wants to reinforce this relationship. Me the little boy needing mommy and her the loving Goddess nurturing me and taking in all my worship. To say she gets off on humiliating me is to not fully express the experience for her. For both of us really. For her there is physical excitement in it, even if she doesn't have me get her off she gets wet doing it. But it is deeper. it makes her powerful, she feels strong and in control of me. She feels confident in her role as Goddess and she feels vindicated in fucking all the men she has and will fuck. For me similarly for reasons I cant describe it makes my pee pee tingle and makes me want to rub it. But it also makes me feel small, feckless, unable to pleasure a woman. This cements in my mind her need for men, real men with big hard cocks to please her. And my need for her, her acceptance and love, her nurture.

I read a story the other night about a cuckold. He described pleasuring his wife's ass with his mouth. Using his mouth to lovingly worship, lick and pleasure the dirtiest part of her. She talks to him as he does it, asking him how stinky it is, how it tastes, telling him she knows how dirty it must be down there where she shits. It is for him an act of submission, willing humiliation. I often will get on my knees and kneel behind her at the bathroom sink at night as she get ready for bed. I will kiss her undies and her booty. I will search for signs that she wants me to go further and I will pull her panties down slowly and continue my worship on her bare bottom. I work my way into her cheeks and lick her hole getting it wet and clean before I push my tongue in deep. I hadn't connected with it before but it is an act of purposeful self humiliation. I am showing her my submission, that the dirtiest part of her is fit to be worshiped with my mouth.

I feel similarly about the Bull. I enjoy his humiliating texts, even look forward to them. I enjoy sucking his big cock in my panties. Telling him how wonderful it tastes and feels. There is no emotional connection, not any deep one anyway but in submitting to him and being humiliated by him it reinforces my place and his.

A Goddess birthday

Goddess had a birth day last week. She chose to spend it out of town with her Bull in a hotel room. She arrived the night before and asked the Bull for an impromptu date on the town but he was unable. So she went out on the town on her own. Of course she soon found a target for her lust and connected with a guy she has known in the vanilla world. He knows me and is a shy kind of old fashioned young man from the "vanilla" world. She has pursued him before with no sex happening but she likes his company - he is young and very cute. they met for drinks and went to a few places, staying out until 2. She was able to get some kissing from him but even though he kept inquiring about her hotel he didnt go back with her.

The next morning her Bull visited her room and gave her a couple hours of fucking, which she loved. He texted me that morning and humiliated me.He enjoys this as a warm up. He taunted me about my small cock, my inability to pleasure Goddess and the thick long cock he was about to give her. She loves knowing he does this, it makes her hot as well. She enjoyed having him in her room and spending the morning with him. She found out he has a girlfriend now and is cheating on her to be with Goddess - which makes Goddess very hot! She loves getting a man to cheat. She returned sore and satisfied, something I can never make her.

We had another long talk that weekend about our life, my tiny penis and she dug a little deeper into my psyche. She wanted to hear about how I have dealt with my tiny penis throughout my life. It was humiliating telling her in detail the different reactions of women in my life. How many disappointing women have been in my past. For whatever reason we had never really gone there before. I am by all accounts a handsome, charming man. So imagine the disappointment of a young lady when we begin to have sex for the first time all hot and excited only to find my tiny penis all hard and quivering with excitement, without much ability to provide them with any real pleasure. She enjoyed hearing she was not the only one and seeing my humiliation at recounting the tales. By the end she was very wet and ready to have her pussy rubbed. It ended with some very nice nurturing of me by her and a very strong orgasm for her from my fingers. We held each other and felt very close.

I love her so much, I love who she is. I love her sexy body, her naughty slutty ways. I love that she accepts my tiny penis and loves me for who i am, her sissy.

My Humiliation

According to Webmd (http://www.webmd.com/men/guide/is-my-penis-too-small#1) my penis is borderline micro penis, a medical condition affecting less than 1% of U.S. males. I am at 3.75 inches of stretched penis length, explained in the article. At 3.66 inches or less I would be considered a micro penis. I am .09 inches from being medically termed a micro penis. For reference .09 of an inch is slightly less than the thickness of two pennies stacked on top of each other. I wish I could say my girth makes up for some shortness but it doesn't. At 4 inches of erect girth I am nearly an inch below average there as well.

Despite this fact Goddess still enjoys my penis getting erect at times. Last week she mentioned a few times she would like seeing me erect. I am often not erect, even when aroused my penis tends to like hiding in my panties limp and unexposed. I did get erect a few times during the week. She seemed pleased about this, she even complimented the head of my penis when erect. I was feeling kind of manly and was looking forward to a chance to reclaim my manhood by fucking her. On Saturday morning we laid in bed and played. I got erect and she allowed me to enter her doggy style. It felt amazing, her pussy was so wet and smooth like velvet yet very tight, luckily for me or because of me perhaps. Anyway it felt like heaven. I tried my best to give her a good fuck, thrusting away then pausing trying not to cum.  In that instant I tried to reclaim my place as husband and feel manly, it felt like I would imagine a heroin high, that false sense of reality you slip into as you become enveloped in the sensation and imagine you can fly or are flying. It lasted a few minutes. I then realized Goddess was not enjoying it, came back to reality and my energy drained as I released a smaller than average spurt of cum into her amazing pussy. I had lasted in reality maybe 3 minutes from entering her to cumming - in my defense it had been a week since I was allowed to cum and weeks since I had been inside her. The end result was disappointing for her and humiliating for me in a way that few men could understand. She teased me about it the rest of the day and weekend, enjoying my humiliation. I was crushed and put back in my place - a full blown sissy as she calls it. I went into the week feeling small, awkward around women. I was fine in other ways, being strong and confident in business. Thankfully I am able to be good at business through all this. It is something I excel at and she likes seeing me perform in that way. I embrace the business arena as a place I get to feel on par with other men. I am good at it. Anyway Goddess told me I needed to blog about this past weekends experience. She enjoys me sharing my humiliation, taking my humiliation even further.

Goddess also asked me to find blogs or sites dedicated to women who love small penises. I found two predominant things when I googled - articles about how women can still enjoy/love a man despite his small penis and blogs of women who enjoy dominating men with small penises. There were a few articles I found (or comments of those mentioned in articles) of women who actually prefer small penises - they perform cunnilingus better, kiss better, are easy to deep throat, don't hurt when they "pound" me etc...were typical of these. But no full sites or blogs. There were a few gay men's sites about loving small penises. There are as far as I can tell (shockingly) no sites dedicated to women who love small penis men. There were also quite a few articles about women who dump, make fun of or just avoid like the plague any man with a small penis of course.

On the update side of things, Goddess will be seeing the Bull again soon. She is very much looking forward to it and has a new found appreciation and desire for him. The last visit went very well, he is a kind patient lover who is very skilled and has an amazing cock. The "vanilla" guy is still around, no sex but some playful texting but Goddess has mostly cooled on him. Not sure if she will play with him again or not but he is in her social circle so we will see.

The return of the Bull

So as I wrote last goddess has been chasing a married guy. We call this vanilla play as he isn't part of "the lifestyle" just a normal guy cheating on his wife with her. Well she has as I said developed some feelings for him. But he has become a disappointment. So she was pretty down and hurt by his actions and inability to give her what she needs.

Then she reconnected with her Bull last week. He had never really left, she just hadn't gotten together with him in some time. She visited him and they had a wonderful morning. He texted me on her way up to see him. He was humiliating me in the way he enjoys. I was feeling very small and of course humiliated, he knows just what to say. My little pee pee was shriveled up in my panties as he texted but tingling like it was ready to explode. After she arrived they texted several pictures. Her sucking his big cock, them touching, his cock sliding inside her and his cum shot all over her boobs and tummy. There was a video of this I saw later, as he came she was telling him she wished it was filling her pussy. The pictures made me feel many things. Jealous, humiliated, excited for her, happy for him, excited by his cock and wishing I was there to watch him fuck her.

Later that night we got together and were able to play and discuss it all. She told me about reading the texts he sent me after she got there. She loved the way he humiliated me. She loved being with him again. He is a wonderful lover. He is patient, treats her with respect and gives her the best fuckings she has had maybe ever. He has a very nice thick cock and she loves the way it feels. He was gentle with her because he knew she hadn't had a cock like that in a long time. She was grateful for that. I rubbed my little penis against her leg as we talked and was allowed to cum that way. It felt great in a very humiliating way.

So one other thing she discovered thru all this. She loves the emotion of vanilla play, seducing"regular" guys. She loves the emotion of it. Feeling that "puppy love", getting to know them, hoping they like her, etc.... Like dating. She misses parts of it but it also has its down side. People dont always work out and in these types of relationships it is even harder. But she loves the adrenaline of the build up and especially the chase.

The Bull is less complicated but there isn't the "dating" quality to it. I imagine she will see him more, she really was reminded of why she goes back to him. He is good for her in many ways. But the emotion of the vanilla will I am sure seduce her again and there will be another lover.

I will attempt to post some pictures later. There are some really good ones.

Careful what you wish for.....

So things here had gotten pretty dry again sexually speaking. I had a guy I played a little with which helped but she was dry. Well recently she met someone. A guy in her circle of work friends. She Went after him and seduced him. He is married but she got him. They have played a few times but only fucked once. He has a nice cock, she really likes him sexually. As is the case in vanilla affairs it is complicated but she really likes him. They went out several times as friends before she got him to play. They have lots of passionate kissing when ever they go out but he is cautious so they haven't played a lot. She loves the passion and she is developing feelings for him.

Of course this all is very exciting but also causes a whole lot of angst. Vanilla always makes me more jealous but I know it's what she craves. I miss our bull, I miss sucking him, watching him fuck her. I have thought of him a lot. He texts her still and I think she would like being with him again but not soon enough for me. I want his cock in my mouth again! He is very sexy and manly. Now that I don't have a guy play friend I really wish he was closer and more interested in me pleasuring him. Of course him fucking me would be heaven but I don't think he will go that far.

sissy play time

I played with a man a couple of weeks ago. It was the first time in a long time I have played alone with a man. He is new, we have been texting but had not met. Goddess was with me when he came over. She met him and talked. She had me remove my clothes revealing stockings and a thong. I knelt and took his cock out. I sucked him in front of her for a few minutes. She enjoyed watching and gave him a kiss but otherwise just watched. Then she left and I brought him to our bedroom. We played on the bed, he wanted to have me in our marital bed. I sucked him off and he came in my mouth. I swallowed of course like a good sissy. His cock was 7 inches or so, nice not huge. We relaxed then went at it again, kissing and him fingering me. He made me cum, I was not yet back in my cage. He wasnt supposed to but he wanted to so he did. It wasnt a big orgasm more of a ruined leaking one, frustrating for me - which I think he also wanted. I sucked him again and swallowed another load. He left feeling very satiated. Next time he will fuck me but I wasnt ready for it yet.

The cage arrived back after its adjustment. I am in it now for a few days. I miss being able to touch my penis. I love rubbing it in my panties or feeling her rub it or just feeling it rub against her at night. As she often says it is useless in pleasing her but I love being rubbed - very selfish of me. I am working on being a generous sissy, giving of affection and worship, showing goddess the attention she deserves, the cage helps me learn. Godees has told me I can have a spontaneous cum again if I like but it is very hard to do and most times I try i end up with no cum and even more horny and desperate - maybe she knows this which is why she leaves that for me. Or maybe she just loves the thought of me being so desperate that I can cum that way, my poor little penis lacking any real contact just oozing out cum in such a pathetic way. Losing the ability to cum when I want to is very hard for me, it was one thing I enjoyed my whole life since 12. Now I not only gave that up but even the ability to touch my own little penis. Its a sacrifice she demands and so I will be obedient, I love her so much! And oddly or understandably I am happier being her sissy than I have ever been trying to be anything else.

a new level of humiliation

Weekend before last we were in a city a few hours away celebrating valentines day. We stayed in a nice hotel and had a very nice time Friday night with a yummy seafood dinner. It was fun and kind of romantic. Saturday night we were heading out to our favorite restaurant in the city. I was unlocked and feeling good, we were feeling romantic and loving. We went to the hotel bar before heading out to dinner. Goddess met a cute guy and the 3 of us chatted. We were in a couch type area and eventually another couple joined us. Goddess full attention was on the single man as I chatted with the couple. I was feeling kind of sheepish at this point as goddess was obviously very into the guy and I am pretty sure everyone there knew it. I was glad as we got up to leave, we were heading to a bar before dinner. Goddess gave the man her number telling him to text her if he had time to stop by the bar before we left for dinner. At this point again I am glad we are leaving, I do enjoy her being with other men, it turns me on but in this case her affection towards this guy was both emasculating and humiliating being our celebration night and in front of this other couple. We got to the bar and it was a fun live music steak dinner kind of place. We were really enjoying it when the guy showed up and had brought the couple with him. At this point I am still thinking we are heading to dinner soon, so I am not as concerned. We all sit again in a couch type place and again she is siting next to and chatting with the guy. At some point she suggests "hey lets just all eat here". So I call the restaurant and cancel our week old reservation at our favorite restaurant. We had already told them all this was our celebration for valentines at this great restaurant. At this point I was completely humiliated and goddess was all in. She sat next to him at dinner leaving the seat next to me empty. She spent her time chatting with him, giving him her full attention. One person at the restaurant mistook him for her husband and she enjoyed it. Actually anyone not in our group probably assumed they were together. Eventually they got up and danced. Goddess very much enjoyed this, the public display of her power and his attention. When the band stopped we all left and went to another bar. I offered to head to the hotel and wait for her but she wanted me to come along. It continued at the new bar though they decided not to dance they chatted happily and enjoyed each other. Eventually around 130 I offered that it might be time to call it a night and they agreed. We walked and they talked eventually parting reluctantly. He was too shy and she too unsure to ask him up or her to his place. So we headed up to the room. We snuggled and fell asleep quickly. I was glad to be holding her, at last she was mine again.

This is me in my new tag, it was a valentines present to goddess. I call her mommy most of the time, it is an affectionate way of recognizing her dominance. It is currently away being adjusted. When it returns I expect it will be part of me for much of my time.

chastity, pleasuring and realizations

Last night I pleasured goddess all night with my fingers and tongue. She was mostly subdued like she was getting a back rub, she didn't cum. She just layed back enjoying hours of me licking her ass hole, pushing my face deep in her cheeks as she reclined on her side snacking and binge watching her favorite show. Or sucking a boob and rubbing her pussy as she layed straight back and watched her show snacking and drinking. She payed little attention to me sexually or made any noise like a woman in sexual bliss, save the occasional sigh of enjoyment. She spoke to me in loving terms and treated me quite normally. Truth is I think the sexual turn on and sexual need is very much second to the power and worship she felt from my attention. It has become clear, to both of us I think, she is very much enjoying her sense of power control and my need for her. This gets her wet and makes her desire my attention. She isnt like the stories you read, she isnt craving big cocks or actual sex, though I think she is thinking more about it than before. What she does really enjoy is my need, my humiliation and making me crazy with desire for her. At the end of the night she would not let me rub my pantied little penis against her sexy booty and cum as she lay there drifting off. Instead when she new I was close she rolled away and told me I had to do it myself. I had not cum in a week so I was grateful for any release at all. She is upset I haven't been in my cage this week due to a health issue. So I rubbed myself off while she called me her poor anxious little sissy and giggled. I came in my panties. The cage goes back on Sunday night with no definite release date. I have a feeling this one will last longer than a week. 

Goddess wants me to get a tag for my cage like the one below. Mommy is my pet name for her when she is being soft and loving, like last night.

Spontaneous ejaculation

So I have been caged by goddess for a while now, with days out of it for good behavior. I am allowed to look at porn. I was home one afternoon looking at porn i had been in my cage for sometime. I got a tingly feeling in my balls like an orgasm was nearing. Goddess texted and told me to go ahead and cum inside my cage. It was really quite amazing in a way. No shaking the cage or vibrating the cage just looking at porn, thinking of her, feeling very much a sissy and it built to the point of no return. The video above is a snippet of the video I made for goddess, part of her text required this. When it happened it was almost like peeing at first, just cum oozing out then a kind of intense feeling of my balls contracting but really not much of an orgasm, not much relief and not the joyous crescendo of a yummy orgasm, Just a kind of pressure release valve triggered and an oozing of cum. I was still horny for sure. It happened once again since. I worry now that goddess knows this is possible how long will she extend my days being caged?

Chastity

So my new chastity device arrived today. I have had cb6000 for some time but never really got the hang of wearing it and frankly when I did it wasnt attractive. Its too big, go figure, my penis slips out the crack and it makes my balls ache. Plus the plastic just isnt attractive. But it didnt really matter as Goddess wasnt that into it either and never insisted I wear it. Until recently, Goddess has a renewed interest in chastity, she saw some pics on my tumblr feed and was smitten with the idea. I know sounds like the plot of how many porn stories, she saw it on my porn history, tumblr feed etc...but there you have it. So I shopped for something I would find more comfortable and she would find attractive. Enter the bird cage by mature metals. Very sexy metal design, she loved it. So after 5 weeks of hand crafting it arrived today and its on me now.

So first off, way more comfortable than the cb. Second it looks like it fits me, as small as I am and you can get them even smaller but only by 1/2" which I could have but I wanted a little room to stretch for his little morning chubby. Of course in no way can I reach my full 3.5" hardness but thats the point right? Btw if you do order one of these get the sizing rings to get the right fit, I would have had no idea but with the rings I think I did well. You can customize length, girth, rings etc...so they build it just for you which I really liked. Very helpful answering questions as well, I had too many but sissy's are prone to asking a lot of questions right?

So now how do I feel. Initially it is very erotic. It is holding my penis which has now started to fill the cage more fully. But I am unable to touch myself so I cant fully enjoy the eroticism and now the reality of denial is starting to set in. The ability to rub my penis in my panties is gone, you have no idea how much I love doing that....looking at porn and rubbing.....its gone.

I will update of course. Also our Bull has re-entered the picture. Goddess is interested in him playing some role in further sissifying me. I have no idea what the role for him will be but I hope it involves me sucking his magnificent cock.

the new normal or maybe just normal...

So last weekend we had one of those chats again. You know where my sissy angst gets the best of me and I try to say I deserve more, I need more. And she is good, as always she listens and we talk. I bargain, asking for more not even sure what it is I want, just more sex - sexuality etc.. trying to find more satisfaction for myself. Then she begins to laugh, more like a giggle...doesnt say anything just looks and giggles...while I am talking - considering I am fully dressed it catches me off guard. So I stop and ask whats so funny. She looks at me and says "look.... you have a tiny penis, so just be happy youre getting anything at all and thank me". So two things happen. I feel ashamed and aroused. My mind starts to process, anger, sadness, arousal, shame....my little penis is way ahead and begins tingling and amazingly starts to firm up (I dont get hard very often these days and to begin to do it without her touching it surprises me). I realize she is right, its been decided and agreed on long ago what the reality. But I always seem to forget, it isnt just a game and the reality of it never fails to arouse me terribly.



So I want to thank the two readers who reached out to encourage me. One in a comment on my last post and one who emailed me at the address up top. It is nice to know folks read these things and enjoy hearing about our lives. The new cage has not arrived yet which is fine with me. I am not anxious to be locked up. She is already letting slip in small bites that she is looking for this to be semi permanent. I will miss touching my little penis, rubbing it against her, rubbing it myself in some nice soft panties....sigh. But she loves the idea and I know this one is already lost. I will as requested post a picture of my in it and her holding my caged little penis. The picture I included for no particular reason other than I thought it was incredibly hot.....and would I rather be with her abot to fuck her or be her about to get fucked.....

update....

Goddess and I have been much the same recently. She hasnt played since the last post, she doesnt seem to be much interested in that. We have been focusing on us, making sure we are both happy in our relationship. We have come to a place of accepting that a FLR is what we both want. I was surprised a bit when I found out how much she values being goddess. I guess I always felt she was doing this for me, making things work for us given my limitations and wants. And I suppose maybe it was that way in the beginning. At this point she has grown to value this relationship, her being in charge, me being her submissive sissy. In fact we drafted up the beginnings of a contract. It was overdue to be done and we both knew that. We have some non-negotiable items that she requires of me as well as a list of expectations for my behavior. I think it brought some real clarity and meaning for both of us. She seems very happy with it.  


I ordered a chastity device on Goddess orders, it is similar to the one pictured. Goddess seems to really enjoy the idea of keeping me locked. I will update when it arrives. I am excited but very worried, I know I will miss the ability to touch and rub my little penis in my panties. Goddess expects me to blog weekly according to her list of expectations, so if anyone is still reading this blog it will become much more active.